Thursday, March 27, 2014

Fear

There's something you might not know about me that my husband, my closest girlfriends, and my neighbors already know: I live in fear.

I live with a man who would jump out of a plane every day if he could; be dropped out of a helicopter (on skis) at the top of a twenty thousand foot mountain; take a space shuttle to Mars; and live in a tent in the middle of the wilderness. Me on the other hand, well, I wouldn't choose to do any of those things because I'm afraid of heights, helicopters, space, and the wild. Don't get me wrong, I am spontaneous and like to try new things, but never again will I be dropped from a rip cord (at an amusement park) that has me free falling for 15 seconds. Sorry Mr. B, I was only trying to impress you back then. You'd really have to twist my arm to get me on a helicopter and especially on skis. If I survived the heli ride, I certainly wouldn't survive skiing to the bottom. The thought of space - the darkness alone is scary, but the potential of drifting off into the outer most layer of the universe is enough to make me need to breath into a paper bag (and I am on earth). And the wild. Well most of you are probably shaking your head at this one considering we camp a lot, but let's be honest, if Scott put me in a canvas tent, I'd probably be up all night thinking the wolves were going to eat me or the hitchhiker we passed on the way in would kidnap us. I will stick with my camper, which has a way more protection than a tent (at least that's what I tell myself).

***

We started watching True Detective this past weekend and for three days I was panicking about my impending visit to see my friend Andrea. She was given a temporary prison sentence recently. No am kidding, kind of. She's expecting twin boys and has been put on hospital bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. It totally sucks, but she's rocking it, and will hopefully have two beautiful, healthy baby boys in 4-6 weeks! Anyway, all I kept imagining was the spaghetti face with green ears attacking me in the hospital parking garage. So I came prepared. I packed a knife.

Relax, it was to cut a block of cheddar cheese in her room.

I lied. That was half the reason. The second half was to protect me on my walk back to the car. I made the mistake of announcing that to my girlfriends and one of them almost got me patted down and banned from the hospital for life. Maybe I should reconsider my friend status?

What it comes down to is: TV is bad for my imagination. I try to stay away from most cop/detective dramas, and watch light hearted things like Adam Levine on the Voice, the Property Brothers on HGTV, and even the awfully rude contestants on the Bachelor/ette. But when I do happen to get drawn into the suspenseful episodes of Bluebloods or the news before bed, my mind takes over and I imagine every terrible person on this planet breaking into my house.

Thankfully my neighbors understand my fears. In fact, after meeting them for the first time 4 years ago I asked if they slept with their cell phone ringers on? They looked at me like I was nuts and I finished by saying, "Well if someone breaks into my house, I am calling you before I call the cops. You live ten feet away from my house, whereas the cops live 5 miles." The next day a neighbor delivered a fork to my front door. A fork, where each prong was bent, so it could be used as a weapon. She suggested I keep it in my night stand, next to my pepper spray.

Speaking of pepper spray, I used to work for a company in the corrections industry. After touring a few jails (we'll save those stories for another post), I decided it was time to purchase some protection. I paid $20 and bought a bottle of pink pepper spray. The one with the keychain so it would be easily accessible. The man who sold it to me suggested I do a "test spray" - outside of course and not in the direction of any people - rather than wait for an emergency to use it for the first time. I stood on my porch step and aimed it towards the road. When the stream of pepper spray hit my roommates car instead of the road, I panicked and moved right in the direction of the mist that hadn't had enough time to fall to the ground yet. In case you didn't follow, I essentially sprayed myself! Since my "test spray" was a major fail, I made the decision to not put it on my key chain. My luck, it would be used against me instead of to protect me. Thank God for fork weapons!


I have a lot of other ridiculous things that I do around the house to prevent those said "intruders" but I can't give all of my secrets away. And especially not on this very public interweb. You never know who is reading.

What are your fears?

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Monty Someday

As I was brushing my teeth before bed last night, Mr. B asked me if I had posted a "Monty Monday" yet - I told him I didn't have time. He said, "You should just change the name to Monty Someday." After spitting in the sink, I told him that was a great idea.

I just can't seem to get in a regular habit or routine for posting. I always have good intentions and ideas, it's just hard to find the time some days. So, on Monday's when I neglect to post a Monty photo, yet get around to posting it later in the week... it will have a new title. Introducing... Monty Someday.


Remember when I said I like to take Monty everywhere we go? Well this past weekend he went to the brewery with us. A local one and one of our favorites, Loveland Aleworks. Most places in Colorado are dog friendly and although Monty doesn't like beer, he is still welcome. In fact, they even have a giant water bowl on the patio for the pups to sip slop in. That cup in front of him works just as well.

We were celebrating my cousin Seany's birthday that evening and Monty was excited to come along. While Sean was talking to women at the bar, Monty was making friends with everyone coming through the door. I am not sure who picked up more women that night, but if I had to put my money on it, I would choose Monty. Sorry, cous:) Kids, women, and even men just seem to be drawn to him. Maybe because of his big brown eyes? Nah! His size and muppet face often times make people curious. 

A few, err, I mean several beers and pretzels later, I was driving them all home. The boys had the beers and Monty had the pretzels. 

We were so happy to celebrate the start of Seany's 35th year in Colorado. See you in 11 weeks, cous!  

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Beekeeping: Equipment Build Day

Another bee post. Everyone still laughs when I talk about my bees. In fact, my friend from New York called me a few weeks ago and said, "Did you officially fall off your rocker? A beekeeper? WTH!"

It's still happening guys. In fact, the bee arrival date is getting closer, which meant I needed to start thinking about their house.

I purchased most of my bee equipment in January after my class ended. There are a few well known bee companies in the industry (Mann Lake Ltd and Dadant and Sons) and our instructors encouraged us to purchase equipment as soon as possible. When you are a first time beekeeper, you want to ensure you have your bee boxes (AKA hive bodies) and frames put together long before your bees arrive.

With that said, all of my equipment arrived at my house unassembled and in three very large boxes. I made the decision to have two hives, which meant I needed double the equipment. The reason for two, is primarily to compare and contrast. As a newbie, I don't really know what a normal hive is supposed to look like, so this way, if one starts to look different than the other, it will be a good learning process. Plus, more hives mean more honey. #honeyaddict

Unassembled Frames

Mr. B was kind enough to put a little film together of this building process, but before we get to that part, there is some bee terminology that may be helpful. You had no idea you were signing up for an education class when you started following this bee adventure, did you? Think of the following pieces being built from the bottom, up:

  • Hive Stand: The entire hive sits on this and usually consists of a landing board, as a place for the bees to land when they return home. (Not shown in the video or photos)
  • Bottom Board: Essentially the floor of the hive. (Not shown in the video or photos)
  • Deep-hive Body: Typically hives have two of these.
    • Lower Deep: Initially I will start with one hive body. When my bees arrive, I will release them into this box. The Lower Deep will become the "nursery/brood chamber", which is where the queen will lay her eggs and the worker bees will raise thousands of baby bees. Yes, thousands. That Queen Bee is a powerful insect!
    • Upper Deep: This is the same size as the Lower Deep and will be added to my hive when more than half of the Lower Deep is filled out with brood. This box can also become a nursery area for the queen to lay her eggs, but is primarily used as the "pantry/food chamber", where they store honey and pollen for their own use (not for the beekeeper to harvest). Remember, they need a food supply to survive the winter. 
  • Honey Super: These are similar to the Deep-hive bodies mentioned above, but not as large. The supers come in two sizes, shallow and medium. Typically these are not used until later in the season when the bees have filled out the first two hive bodies with brood, nectar, and pollen. I hope I purchased some hard working bees, because I'd like to put my supers on at some point this season, which is not guaranteed in your first year. The supers are used to store honey for the beekeeper to harvest. It is essentially stacked on top of the lower two boxes. When it's full of honey, the shallow supers can weigh up to 40lbs and the mediums, usually over 50lbs. I don't lift weights, so thankfully I will have Mr. B around to do the heavy lifting. He did ask for a bee suit, so I am going to make sure we put it to good use.
Two Hives: Each one has two Deep Bodies and one Medium Super
[Missing from the picture is the Hive Stand and a few other key pieces that I will explain in later blogs]
  • Frames: These are wooden frames that go inside the hive bodies and supers. My boxes will each contain ten frames. So if you do the math, I have 4 hive bodies (2 per hive). I also have 2 supers (1 per hive). Six boxes mean I need 60 frames. That's a lot of work. Did I mention, each of those frames need a beeswax foundation? That will require a whole other post, which will be coming soon! [Note: Not everyone is a beekeeper for the honey. I am, which means I want to give my bees a foundation to start building out their comb immediately. If I don't give them a foundation, I will have to wait for them to build it themselves. They would, if I let them, but I would rather not lose time when I could give them something to start. The time it would take them to build out their foundation, is precious time the queen could be laying eggs, nurturing more worker bees to life, and sending them out to collect pollen and nectar.]
Frame Assembled (without foundation)
Ten Frames in Each Hive Body and Super

Rather than share every single detail about how we put these hive bodies together, Mr. B was in a filming mood and decided to take a mini-video of the process. I am not very good at talking on the spot, and missed a few key details, which is why I explained the definitions above.

I have three comments before you watch: Thank God for power tools or else we would have been building for 8 weeks; Thank God for husbands that know how to fix their wife's mistakes (because I made a few); Thank God most of you don't watch films the whole way through, so you will miss my bee dance at the end. Enjoy.


Mrs. B's Hive - Build Day
 from Scott Bores on Vimeo.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Monty Monday

 


"May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go."

St. Patrick's Day is always a special day in the Bores House. It's the day Mr. B and I met, for the second time, and began dating (unofficially). Seven years later, we now make Monty celebrate with us. There were about 15 outtakes and 7 treats involved in capturing this photo of him. He really didn't want to wear the hat, so instead I put it on. Not only did I wander around the house, but I decided to walk the dog around the block looking like one large leprechaun. I was convinced Monty needed to look festive, so I put two green leis around his neck. That didn't last either, because he seemed to maneuver those off by the time we made it to the end of our street.

I am waiting for Mr. B to get home to we can celebrate with a Guinness.  Monty doesn't like beer, so he won't enjoy that with us either.

Perhaps we should go back to celebrating without him?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Monty Monday



"Where's my toy? Dad, where is it?" 

I went to the pet store shortly after the New Year. I am a sucker for those $1.99 stuffed toys near the register. You know, the ones that usually change based on the next upcoming holiday - hearts, four leaf clovers, pumpkins, etc. Mr. B tells me they are a waste of money since Monty usually tears them to shreds in about 4 minutes flat. But who cares, he has fun doing it.  Anyway, that day at PetSmart I saw a bin of teddy bears marked down to $1.99 (originally $12.99). I asked the clerk twice if they were really that cheap and she told me yes both times. So I picked up two of them and took them home to surprise Monty. 

When Mr. B found out how much I paid for them he asked why I hadn't purchased the whole damn bin. So I went back to PetSmart a few days later and bought four more. I have them hiding in the closet upstairs (which Monty knows). However, it's the middle of March and he is still on his second bear. The first one didn't last long and this one is missing its shirt, its ear, and its squeaker. But the rest is pretty much intact. I might need to operate sew it, but when the time comes to toss it, we have 4 more stowed away. #lifewithadog

PS. Ignore the fact that this blog was posted on Tuesday. I am a day late. Oops.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Life Lessons About Men

I walked in the bedroom this morning and found a wet towel lying on our bed. I picked it up and walked into the bathroom where Mr. B was combing his beard. As I dramatically hung his towel on the rack - where it belongs - I said, "You know, I read a blog the other day about marriage. One of the top ten things they suggested wives should do is forgive easily. I get it now. I need to forgive you everyday for driving me literally crazy with your careless habits."

He laughed. Not the response I was looking for. He is lucky I take marriage advice seriously.

Things I have learned about living with a man for the last 5 years of my life:

1. Always check their pant pockets before putting clothes in the laundry. Guaranteed there is something in there that doesn't belong in the washer. First example: chapstick. I just spent the last 25 minutes of my life scrubbing melted chapstick spots out of 5 shirts with a toothbrush and Dawn dish soap. Welcome to married life. Chapstick, however, isn't the only clothes-ruining item that has gone through our dryer. Pens are second on my list. I can't count how many shirts we wear that have some kind of ink stain. Mr. B's argument, "The person washing the clothes should be the one who checks the pockets!" I only agree when it involves money. Nine times out of ten, it doesn't.

2. Get used to picking up their clothes. It doesn't matter how many times you ask - nicely or with a raised voice - they won't ever put their clothes in the hamper. I still ask though. And I still yell. And I still nag. Maybe by our 10 year anniversary that will stop. This same lesson also applies to dishes. I swear he doesn't know we own a dishwasher.

3. Men can't sit still. Well mine can't. And we are never on the same lazy schedule. Ever. When I want to lay on the couch and waste my day watching mindless television recorded on the DVR, he is in the background saying, "We never do anything! Humph!" That is always my cue to ask, "Well what do you want to do? Besides camp?" Because no matter how much he tries, I am not camping when it's 5 degrees below zero. Ever.

4.  Men don't have patience. When you ask your husband to do something, it could be minutes, hours, days or weeks before it gets done. Or never actually - refer back to lesson #2. Yet, when they ask you to do something, they expect it...right that second. Example, our microwave broke on Friday, so we tried installing our new one tonight. There are some projects men and women are not meant to do together, and replacing an over-the-range microwave is one of them. He yelled, "assistant" close to 13 times throughout the process, while I was in the other room, scrubbing the said chapstick stains. I must not have been a very good assistant because it's now two hours later and the microwave is sitting on our living room floor and Mr. B has given up until tomorrow.

5. Listen to them, when it comes to home improvement projects. Perhaps it contradicts the example above, but men usually know what they are talking about when it comes to tools and they are usually right. Mr. B's famous words, "If you are going to do it, do it right!" In other words, don't half a$s it - don't take short cuts, or skip the primer, or drill holes without measuring. In the end, you'll spend more time having your husband fix the mistakes you made and listening to him say, "I told you so." Which we all know are famous last words that no significant other wants to hear, yet words we all love to say.

I am fairly confident Mr. B could come up with a list of 5 (or more) lessons he has learned since living with a woman, but that's why I'm the writer around here, and he isn't - we never need to know those!

The washer just shut off so I am off to see if my pinterest remedy actually worked.

Friday, March 7, 2014

deed #6

Last week the temperature finally got above freezing and the sun was shinning. I knew the nice weather had a short lifespan, so I decided to take Monty for a long walk. Let's face it, winter really puts a damper on the dog walking schedule and frankly we both needed a little exercise. Plus, I thought a little vitamin D would help break my funk.

We started off on our traditional route, but decided to continue on. I was enjoying the sun and Monty was just happy to be outside. As we crossed one of the streets in our neighboring development, we stepped up on the sidewalk and I noticed broken glass all around my feet. I hopscotched around to get the dog into the grass and away from the glass. We've already had one episode with glass in his paw [last summer while swimming in the reservoir] and all I could imagine was that mess [and vet bills] all over again. So once we were away from all of the glass, I checked his paws and kept walking. I didn't get more than five steps ahead when I realized I should go back and clean it up. I could prevent another dog from having to go to the vet and maybe even a child from getting cut (it is a very child-friendly neighborhood!) 

I grabbed one of Monty's waste bags, put on the winter gloves I had in my pocket, and collected all of the green glass my eyes could spot. As I walked towards the curb I found the culprit - a Rolling Rock bottle. I'd like to believe the trashmen dropped it as they were hauling away garbage, but in reality it could have been a drunk driver tossing an empty out the window. I will never know the answer, but I feel better knowing that majority of the glass has been picked up.

I tied the bag when I was done and carried it home to toss away.

Key takeaways: Don't litter and don't drink and drive.


Monday, March 3, 2014

Monty Monday


This photo was taken on a recent trip to Lowes. Mr. B makes fun of me when I ask to take Monty with us, but look at that face. There is no denying that he loves home improvement laying on the cool cement floor.  

In other news, this little boy still continues to be naughty. Almost every single night when we let him out before bed, he comes running back to the door with a face covered in dirt. He's finding every excuse to dive headfirst into our flower pots out back. An excuse unknown to me. I suppose he is like a kid and just likes to get dirty?

He also gave counter surfing another good try (again) this morning. I was on a work call and heard this loud clanging noise coming from downstairs. I thought the pile of dishes I had drying in the sink had fallen over. Wrong. I ran downstairs to find Monty heading towards the living room with that, "Uh oh, I am in trouble look." Turns out, he tried surfing the package of buns I had sitting on our toaster oven. Thankfully, they were sitting on top of a tray, so when he grabbed the buns the tray came tumbling down with it, landing on the tile floor - insert said clanging noise.

Needless to say we still have our buns, but he might not, if he keeps this up.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Nashville, Part Two

As promised in the original Nashville post, here is our adventure through Music City through the eyes of Mr. B. Enjoy.


Nashville

from Scott Bores on Vimeo.
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