Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Praying

I don't usually say much in my bible study class, but last week Andrea called on me. Similar to a teacher calling on that one student who refuses to make eye-contact. 

Throughout our workbook, there are questions listed in the outer columns asking personal questions. Essentially, making you think about the bible and relating it to your own life experiences. That particular week, we were discussing the six attributes of the Holy Spirit [wisdom, understanding, counsel, might, knowledge and fear] and she asked me to share how the Holy Spirit has recently made Himself known in my life through one of those attributes. I wasn't prepared to answer the question, but I knew what I was thinking. The attribute I was feeling most was fear. I am afraid I don't go to church enough. Afraid I don't talk about God ever, let alone often. Afraid I don't have a strong relationship with God. Afraid faith isn't part of my marriage. Afraid my husband isn't a believer. I had a whirlwind of emotions hit me all at once and I started to cry. 

That night I came home and typed. I have always been better at letting go of my emotions when I write them. I opened a blank email and wrote a prayer. I asked God to fill me with the Holy Spirit. I want to better my relationship with God. I want to go to church more often. I want God to be a part of my life. I want faith to be a part of our marriage. I want the wisdom to make Scott a believer. Encouraging him to have a relationship with someone that isn't tangible is hard - I get that. So I am praying for his faith. 

Ironically, a good friend of mine sent me an email this past Monday. The subject line was blank, but when I opened it, it included three short prayers. Turns out, she subscribes to a woman's calendar online and each day it shares a prayer - the Power of a Praying Wife. She knows I am participating in a bible study, but I hadn't had the opportunity to share last week's experience with her. Yet, each prayer listed was related to faith and marriage. Her email had come at the most appropriate time.

If this bible study is teaching me anything, it's teaching me how to pray. One of the girls in the class this week shared a comment that really resonated with me. She was raised Catholic, like me. She grew up going to Sunday mass - the motions of sitting, standing, and kneeling. She would pray the rosary - the repetition of Glory Be's, Hail Mary's and Our Father's. Yet, never learned to talk aloud to God. I never did either. I grew up believing I knew how to pray, but in reality I wasn't actually getting much out of my relationship with God. I wasn't having a conversation with him. Now, after all those years, it makes it difficult to change those routines and experience a new type of prayer. Although, since the passing of my loved ones, I have found it easier to talk with them - sharing things going on in my life, thanking them for their comfort, and asking them for guidance. It might sound silly, but that ease of communication is helping me shift gears and have that same approach when I talk with God. I am practicing and it's actually beginning to feel less awkward and more comfortable. 

Plus, I've asked my friend to continue sharing her daily marriage prayers with me, with hopes of adding them to my spiritual conversations.

Bible study is good. I am totally digging it and friends that help you along the way, without even knowing it, are just an added bonus. 

Goodnight, friends. I believe Mr. B and I will be waking up to our first snowfall tomorrow morning. Goodbye Fall, Hello Winter. 

Monty - October 24, 2012 - First Snow

2 comments:

  1. Wow. Your candor is amazing. I am in awe of your heart changing & your willingness to let it change. I'm so proud of you, bestie. So glad you are doing this with me. Love you.

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  2. That's really encouraging! One great resource I've used and shown many people is a short, 15 minute video at the address below. It's really clear, winsome, and well done. It's great for believers and pre-believers alike.
    P.S. Moses LOVES the snow too.

    http://www.juststopandthink.com/stopthink-the-movie/

    ReplyDelete

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